2 followers

i have way to many fans.

big shouts to my 2 followers!

shout.

shout.

i inherited a basement today. i like bribary from divorc-ay parents to make me happy. where is my blackberry?

it rained alot this weekend and i M O'ed like in the notebook. just throw up

MEOW>fh

i want to listen to BSB The Call on repeat while i drown in a bath full of bacardi superior (hate).

goodbye crystal have fun on your world tour.

g2g

parker pulls a britney

since i'm having a mental breakdown as i walk, breath and type i thought it would be only necessary to do it britney style. so, today i had a huge meltodown in the overpass, thrashed lockers with an umbrella, swore and cried as a ripped off my hair and threw it all over the brown kids and LG's.

at least that's how it went in the daydream while i was getting a pretty regular haircut. fuck. i wish my life was more interesting.
in reality, my hair is much shorter and all references to being Zac Efron can be banished, i hope.

i tried to be on a diet this week after letting myself go in kelowna on the weekend. i gorged on cupcakes and chips and reese peanut butter cups until my fat seaped over the belt. that's when i decided a diet was in order, until that plan was immediatley tarnished at the sight of a mid week turkey dinner. i should just start smoking really, or bulimia is an option. I WILL NOT SUCCUMB TO OVERWEIGHTISMS that curses my family.

for all the readers from UO, it's official. i am back at urban outfitters beginning April 26th. it's kind of a huge deal, you might need to take a nap before your shifts that day. parkerlyfe 2.0 is coming back. dealWITHIT!

okay, that's good enough. maybe i should just get twitter so my life was drift even more far away from privacy. all or nothing right? i just need to be famous.

frosted tips and chokers are back!

i should not have got the extra plate of fries at white spot. ugh.

congratulations everyone on surviving till friday. the weekend has much in store for you, i saw it in the stars. as for my friday, nothing interesting happened except writing a timed essay which i killed BTW and learning that I subsequently have a rather large highschool fanbase. surprising, really, because what have I ever done to try and get noticed at school except roll around on the floor like a cat playing with yarn, wear all black because everyday i'm mourning, and push people out of my fucking way? apparently, this draws in the fans who consist of school girls and gay boys of all ages taking my picture of the bye bye birdie cast poster in the school, and apparently following me to my art class and stalking me for 1 hour and 15 minutes while I draw dead people and paint it red. this was brought to my attention over lunch at white spot, and i'm deeply concerned for my safety. perhaps a large 8-foot-tall african immigrant looking for a job could be utilised in this situation as a body guard. good thinking.

today happens to be the CAST PARTY for BBB people. it's probably going to be the biggest rager of THA YERR. why? first, it's in the drama room in my school. second, it ends at 10pm sharp. third, party+teachers=obviously rager. i can't wait. i'm bringing meatballs, even though I don't even eat beef. that's how self sacrificing I am! :)

i'm contemplating returning to the chemically straightened ways of hair. this week, i've lived the CURLYLyfe and I'm not sold on it. what would really solve all my problems is if i just had frosted tips and a bowl cut and frosty eyebrows. then i would be a happier man.

AS FOR WORK RELATED NEWS, I'm still on the fence about my promised return to Urban Outfitters. yes, i know. shocking. mainly because the only hours left for good ol' p-lyfe are weekends...so...considering I've got plans for every weekend till July...it's not looking so hot. A summer job would be nice though. i need money for the trip to Montreal i'm taking. drinking age=18=parkerlyfe boozin. who even knows.

k have a good weekend. hopefully I don't go MIA for 3 months again.

i left the fridge open

current state: staring at my phone wanting to call J, too scared. eating Michelina's frozen dinner. flight of the conchords season 1 episode 4 plays.
i farted for a long time. too much yogurt? i don't know probably.
i'm going to the killers. good. i wish i was at the cambie.

bitch fights

current state: eating a leftover burrito and reading about the Top 10 car thiefs in B.C. i wonder if i know any of them. they all look like potential best friends.

i came home today from a awful day at school which i will tell you about in a second, only to find my people taking TV's out of my house while i was trying to get in. i thought i was getting robbed so i had a panic attack and hid instead of trying to stop anything, but it turns out it was just my dad's minions who work for him taking out our TV's to downsize. apparently we've had 4 spare TV's laying around my house i probably didn't even notice them. under a pile of laundry or something. who cares now, they're gone.

my stupid dog, who yes, survived the 3 months i ceased blogging, used this opportunity of "long periods of time with the door open" to break free from the 11 years he's spend with me and the rest of the clan and take off. this of course meant me wandering down the streets with a burrito waiting for me on the table, pissed off, wearing socks walking on my neighbours lawn to stop my in the midst of shitting dog. that's when the yelling began and the son of a bitch started running away from me. damn he's fast. finally, he made his way back into the house and begged for a treat and i almost killed him. now he's just sauntering around my house like he did nothing wrong. screw you maxi!

today at school, i was questioned for reportadley bullying the retards. Martin (the teacher) told me he's been hearing i've been treating the special needs girls cruely. i am pissed off, i never did anything of the sort. i tried pondering what i could have possibly done or even said to her and this is the only situation i could come up with.

Parker: "gahhh there is something in my eye. i hate this"

Girl: (blank stare)

Parker: "what do you do when you having something in your eye?"

Girl: "i don't know?"

Parker: "can you blow in my eye for me or something, jesus this hurts!"

and that's how i became a bully. bah.

surprise surprise, i got my english marks today and i'm getting the best mark. who the hell would have thought.

in french, i proceded to eat 4 pieces of paper covered in highlighter and pen ink, which i immediatley regretted after. people's boring ass speaches about Canada drove me to this insanity. HOT TIP: no one cares about canada.

tonight i get to watch Survivor, alone, because my family is going to the hockey game. oh well, i'll just cheer on the people while i eat a helmet full of yogurt. the parkerlyfe is a good lyfe. tomorrow should be good?

happy thursday eagles. fly!

hi i'm back who cares.

hello children of the corn.
i've come out of hibernation and lived to tell my story to you. the main reason for my absence is rehearsing everyday for Bye Bye Birdie, which now happens to be completed and only a memory. it was a raging success worth all the time and effort. thanks to all you babies who came to support Teen Boy #5 in action. that chapter of my life is donzo.
between new years ever and BBBglory, i managed to get my driver's license. how???? i don't know. so far my trips on the road have been really awkward and involved speeding, rabbits running infront of my car, dead ends, caribbean music, people hiding in the backseat and wine. how long will it be before i'm arrested for DUI? i should start a countdown.
i left the country before i got to out of hand in Canada which didn't help anything. mexico doesn't ID me so i just disco'ed the night away with random bar hoppers and got asked by a fat native named Channelle to "go up to her room to get into some trouble" that's when i threw up on her chin hairs.
the next phase in Parkerlyfe is planning an insanely outrageous grad party, a huge deal for JW's considering birthdays and everything else on earth are out of the picture, Graduation Parties are beyond belief and mine needs to trump everyones...just because.
also, i eagerly anticipate hearing from BCIT to see if i've been accepted into college which would be nice to know i'm getting my life on track instead of blogging for a living and spending copious hours on facebook. if i don't end up accepted, then there are various different paths to choose from. main choice: moving to australia. i have familia there and i've decided i'm bored of living in vancouver. it would only be for 6 months of so. but it's looking like that's the official plan.
today was a horrible waste of a day and my time in which i could have been sleeping. i watched 2 terrible movies, death of a salesman and some french one where the only thing i enjoyed was the french sex scenes which were raunchy and hairy and awkward. mm.
it rained alot today and even snowed for because it was april fools. mother nature decided to be a fucking dyke and play a joke on everyone by snowing which is exactly why i want to kill her.
ANOTHER BIG PIECE OF NEWS: i've decided i'm going to be a teen father because it's on my list of things to do. i've been scouting possible mothers who i can hook up with, who wouldn't mind being my baby mama. i've got a few who are the finalists so expect a baby parkerlyfe sometime soon.
i also i'm trying to get arrested before the 18th bday. i wikipedia'ed ways to get arrested and none of them are working for me. UGHUHGUHSUGH.
my final goal this year is to make a series of best friends from all over the world just like Paris Hilton does. if she can why the fuck can't i?
Danilo is my Serbian Best Friend (SBF) that's been accomplished.
Brynne is my Italian Best Friend (IBF)
Crystal is my Danish Best Friend (DBF)
Danielle is my Scottish Best Friend (SBF)
Jason Z is my Greek Best Friend even though he's not greek (GBF)
Grandma is my Ukranian Best Friend (UBF)
and now i only have a few cities to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now that my goals have been said and the general basis of my whereabouts the past 3 months, i'm off to feed my caged llamas.

did parkerlyfe die?

the answer is no. and expect a new posts. new blog. new pictures. maybe even new videos. parkerlyfe is back.